Hail, Caesar? Hail, Yes!
Between Austin and Houston, I see a billboard for "BulletProof Roof." I think this is metaphorical. I think it's because of frequent hail in the billiard-table plains east of the Brazos river. Well, yes, but. . . . The billboard next to it, in the same color scheme, is for "Guns and Ammo" at a large nearby gun shop. Now the first sign is suddenly ambiguous. Nothing ambiguous about the second one, though.
A few minutes with Google reveals that "BulletProof Roof" is a trademark of a roofing company around Houston and in the Brazos Valley area that guarantees its products for twenty years plus. Good marketing name.
Now let me tell you about the "Brazos Valley." As a valley, it doesn't look like a valley. It is so shallow and so wide that I can't see any valley-like depression as I drive through it. The land surrounding the river is flat, flat, flat. When it floods, the water must be wide, wide, wide, and not very deep. The river oxbows violently through this tabletop terrain, as is typical of rivers in very flat floodplains. If you look at a map, there is a blue epileptic snake oxbowing through the green ten or fifteen miles west of Prairie View, Texas. And the name of that town tells the truth, too.
Google also pointed to a fun page from a roofing company that found a hole in a client's roof made by a .45 caliber bullet that penetrated three layers of slate tile. Three layers of rock! Pictures of a perfect little round hole. Fortunately, it did not get as far as inside the house. They have the bullet, complete with rifling marks, too, just in case anyone is interested. This was not in Texas as you would expect but in Akron, O-freaking-hio, dudes! "CSI: Akron!" Tonight on CBS! 10, 9 Central!
2010-12-01
